Transitions from the softness of the night into cold and bleak winter mornings are most of the time hard. Every now and then there are nights when I can't wait the following morning with the promise of a warm cup of coffee and excitement of experimenting with new ideas that I have caught while already being half asleep. And of course the times when I am in Finland during the summer, too jet lagged to sleep anymore, sneaking quietly out to meet the sunrise in the forest when everyone else is still asleep and the air is lingering with peaceful and tranquil energy and my mind still has space for allurement and reflections.
In everyday life slipping back to the mundane way of being easily becomes reality when the tiredness after poorly slept night creeps in. Starting another day from the beginning feels like too much and panic creeps over. How to access the safe space and honor those feelings without immediately getting caught up to the whirlwind of distractions and not noticing?
Just a couple of days ago I created an altar space next to my bed and when I get up I light a candle, spritz a forest mist around my body, sit down and close my eyes. I notice how stifled I feel, how closed and guarded my body feels and in the beginning barely catch my breath. First I feel discouraged, wondering if my breath will ever expand my body, if I am ever able to open myself enough to the life experiences and feeling alive. Once again I realize how impatient my mind is, so often in the worries of the future.
Time passes by quicker than in the evening, ten minutes in the morning feels just like a couple of minutes whereas in the evening the same time expands smoothly into the darkness and quitness. I hear the wind chimes in the backyard, sense the flicker from the candle and get back into my body hoping to maintain the awareness throughout the day, honoring my body by softening the stiffness with breath until the night comes again, dreams take over and once again I wake up into another morning and start all over again.
Isn't that the beauty of it, being able to start all over again, creating space for awareness and new insights by being curiously present, especially when everything else feels difficult.